A beautiful beach wedding on one of those Caribbean islands with fine white sands and the bluest waters. A gorgeous white as snow Vera Wang dress, sitting so beautifully on the bride, with an exquisite train following behind. The bride and groom stands below the royal white arch dressed with the finest white lace, flowers and leaves so green, just like out of a dream, as they say their ‘I Do’s.
Or perhaps a classic wedding at a church with a steeple. The ends of every pew decorated with beautiful flowers and lace. The father of the bride gives away his daughter, his baby, to the man of her dreams.
Weddings. Every girl dreams of this big day, and I can’t pretend I haven’t. Especially when I’m getting closer to my desirable age of wed, and with friends around me declaring their vows, I can’t deny the fact that I’m dreaming for my big day too.
But the exquisite Vera Wang gown with the long train, the beautiful reception and the sumptuous dinner are the least of my concerns.
I met up with a friend of mine last week. He told me before that he never wants to get married, but he confessed that seeing friends our age get married one by one, he fears the day he becomes the only single around. “Perhaps I should find another girl now and make a ‘when we reach thirty and we’re still single pact’ so we don’t get left out,” he says. But he fears, and I sometimes wonder about it too, with divorce being widely practiced and becomingly accepted by our society, what will my future be? He comes from a family with problems, broken relationships, etc, and it’s understandable that his picture of a family is not as perfect as mine. But I have my own set of worries. My parents, so loving even after 25 years of marriage, makes me envious yet worried about my future. What if mine doesn’t turn out like theirs? They have set such a perfect example of a perfect family, and I want the family I have to be like what I had. But with divorce so widely practiced today, it makes it even scarier for me. As they say, the bigger the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. Am I ready to take this step of faith?
But one thing I’m thankful for is EK and his family values. He wants to settle down and wants a solid family with a happily ever after ending, like his parents. He wants kids too, but not so soon. He’s not commitment phobic – perhaps due to the fact that he’s 6 years older than me – “it’s about time” you know. And HE LOVES ME. Hee.
Am I too eager to get married? I find myself asking. I’m only turning 24 this year. I’m still young, so many remind me. But my grandfather says otherwise. He says I’m not young, that he got married when he was my age. Perhaps he’s eager for great grandchildren, with me being his oldest grandchild. This morning, he mentioned marriage again. He said that many people are getting married this year coz 2008 is a good year, and casually suggested I should get married as well – or just registered at ROM.
I have to admit, EK and myself have been talking about this. With this being our first (Obviously!), we have no clue how it’s to be done. EK asks me if it’s okay we get ROM first, invite close family and friends to dinner, and then the big shebang a year or two later. Is that the correct protocol? We do not know.
But he also knows that this day comes once in a lifetime and it’s every girl’s dream to wear the white dress and walk down the aisle. To complete it in TRADITION (as the father on ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ sings), there’s the tea ceremony and the big dinner. So he also wants to do it right. Though thinking about it, inviting people you don’t know or haven’t met in your entire life, or only perhaps exchanged 1 word or 2 with, it sounds ridiculous. But TRADITION!
Then comes the money issue. We live in a practical world. Often, money – or the lack of – holds us back. There’s the dress (in my case, the Vera Wang, though my friend says he should be able to buy me one of those as a wedding gift when he becomes a full fledge neurosurgeon – in 7 years time), the wedding invitations, the event, the dinner and the photographers. After that, there’s the house to think about.
Having said that, I’m glad those things don’t mean the world to me. I can give up on my Vera Wang dream – it’s how you wear it, not what you wear, I can accept the ROM first with a small dinner celebrated among family close friends – that would actually be more personal, and as long as I’m with EK, anywhere is fine.
But the one thing I will not compromise is the proposal. I’m still a traditional little girl with my dreams. I want my proposal. It doesn’t need to be a 1 carat diamond or an extravagant message in the sky “Will you marry me?”
It just needs to be EK, committing his future with me. Though I know it for a fact that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he’s told me that many times before, but the proposal means a lot to me and I believe so for many other girls out there. Yes, we talk about getting married, about spending the rest of our lives together, about buying a house, but the true beauty lies in the one question that seals the commitment:
Will you spend the rest of your life with me?
Will you be my wife?
WILL YOU MARRY ME?